tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 16, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
i'm jimmy, i'm i'm host. thanks for watching. thanks all of you for coming. it's a very big night. we really appreciate it. a big night for the united states of america. tonight the republican candidates for president gathered to debate at the reagan presidential library, not too far from us here in simi valley. debates are a great way to learn about candidates. for example, tonight i learned there were people running for president other than donald trump. were you aware of that? [ laughter ] there are 11 candidates on the main debate, which is i think about the same number of contestants they have the first week of "american idol." it's a lot. allowing 11 candidates to debate is the adult version of giving every kid on the soccer team a participation trophy. donald trump didn't like it. this afternoon he tweeted, will be headed over to the debate
soon, can you believe cnn is milking it for almost three hours, too long, too many people on stage. i think he would prefer to be the only person on the stage. [ laughter ] pts [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's not debating, that's master-debating and you can't do that. trump gave a speech from the deck of a battleship where he warned us about crime and drugs coming from down below. >> there's tremendous crime. there's tremendous drugs pouring across across the border. tremendous. going to chicago, going to new york, going to l.a., going all over our country. so the drugs pour in and the money pours out. not a good deal. we get the drugs, they get the money. the drug cartels are going wild. they cannot believe how stupid our government is. they are making a fortune. the drugs come in, the money goes out, daily. >> jimmy: he's right, we have to start making drugs in america again, american drugs.
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: drugs pour in money goes out. it's very sing-songy. it's even better if you set it to music. the drugs pour in the money pours out going to chicago going to new york going to l.a. the drugs come in the money pours out not a good deal [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is good. this is something donald trump should definitely address. it comes to us from progressive field in cleveland during last night's game between the indians and the royals. usually when achieved hits a home run in their home stadium, firework got off. that is not supposed to happen for the visiting team. >> high drive, deep left field, if it's fair it's gone -- and it is a home run. deep onto the porch in left field. and kansas city's lead is 2-0.
[ fireworks popping ] >> they started the fireworks, whoops. someone stepped on the button. oh, boy. it's very sad. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: his wife is like, he does that at home too. now obviously that was a mistake but it is nothing compared to what happened at this high school football field in elgin, illinois. >> the high school football team may have a find a new field after a maintenance mix-up. crews put weed killer on the field at elgin edwards high school instead of fertilizer. i know, right? >> jimmy: the same guy. what are the odds? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: back to the debate. the debate is the big story. we're 14 months away from the election. i'll admit our supply of donald
trump jokes is dangerously low right now. there's been so much focus on donald trump, it's hard to meet the constant demand for jokes about his hair, his ego, all the things that make donald trump so trumpy. that is why from time to time i am not embarrassed to admit i outsource our joke-writing to a company in india. and they're very good. with the debate going on tonight i thought now would be a good time to check in with them to see if they have anything i can use. let's get them up on video chat if we could. okay, hello, hello? >> welcome to tgi friday's reservation hotline. which one of our 49,000 quality restaurants would you like to make a reservation? >> jimmy: no, i actually don't want to make a reservation at tgi fridays. do they even take reservations? i know, i was calling for another -- yes? >> that's okay. balkans are -- >> jimmy: no, i'm not hungry. >> every day is friday! >> jimmy: i've heard that. it's me, jimmy kimmel, i'm
calling for jokes. >> mr. jimmy kimmel? >> jimmy: yes. >> you are not jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: what, is the connection bad? yes, i am, what's going on? >> no, no, no, no. what is that thing on your face? >> jimmy: you know what, i grew a beard since the last time i saw you so you're probably -- >> oh, ha ha ha! mr. jimmy kimmel, mr. jimmy kimmel! we were hoping your cheeks were covered with our signature buffalo sauce. >> jimmy: no, it's hair. i'm just looking for jokes about donald trump if you have them. >> oh, donald trump, you came to the right place. >> jimmy: slept. >> i'm getting our number one donald trump joke now. i don't know but i've been told donald trump is turning red more donald >> jimmy: it's not my birthday. it is not my birthday.
>> it's not your birthday? >> jimmy: no, it's not my birthday. i'm looking for donald trump jokes. >> donald trump jokes, yes. >> jimmy: okay, great, all right, good. oh, great. >> these will knock your socks off. >> jimmy: okay, good, all right, i'm ready. it's a great-looking wig. >> ready, jimmy? >> jimmy: what? >> you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, i'm ready. >> okay. joke number one. >> jimmy: okay. >> how many donald trumps does it take to build a wall? >> jimmy: i don't know, how many donald trumps does it take to build a wall? >> zero! he will make the mexicans build it for him! >> jimmy: onh, okay. >> ha ha ha! >> that's the greatest joke! >> jimmy: maybe not the greatest joke. it was good, though. it was solid. can we hear another one? do you have anything else? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> joke number two. >> jimmy: okay. >> what did donald trump say when he declared bankruptcy?
>> jimmy: what did donald trump say when he declared bankruptcy? when he declared bankruptcy what did he say? >> i don't have to pay! >> he has toupee. >> jimmy: right. >> i don't have to pay! >> jimmy: he'll say that a lot. all right. that's good. okay, yeah, i got that one. >> i don't have to pay! >> jimmy: do you have anything else? maybe something really big, a closer, something we can end on a strong note with. >> mr. jimmy kimmel, can you say the word [ bleep ] on your show? >> jimmy: no, we cannot say that word on the show. >> oh. >> jimmy: does that ruin the joke? >> pardon me. can you say the word wind from the ass of a man? >> jimmy: wind from the -- yeah i think we can say that yes. >> how is donald trump like indian food? >> jimmy: i give up, how is donald trump like indian food?
from the ass of a man! ha ha ha! >> jimmy: all right. that was not really the closerer i was looking for. but thank you so much for your help. i don't know but i've been told [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. but when we come back, facebook is about to launch a dislike button, which i like. and we quiz people on the street to find out how much they know about those men and women running for president, which turns out isn't that much. do your civic duty and stick
it's hard to believe you can book over 11,000 local activities right from our app. it's even harder to believe it took you this long to come here. expedia. technology that connects you to the people and places that matter. you've never had a burger made like applebee's genuine handcrafted freshly ground seared flavor bombed piled high original one-of-a-kind all-in burgers with free refills of fries and a surprisingly low bill. only at applebee's. at net10 wireless, you can use the phone you already have. and keep your network and number, too. for up to half the cost, only on the bring your own phone plan. now get unlimited talk and text plus 5gb of high-speed data, for $50 a month.
net10 wireless. get ready to show your roots with roots touch-up from nice'n easy. seamlessly blends with leading shades, even salon shades in just 10 minutes. for natural looking color as real as you are. show the world your roots with root touch-up. what's going on? toaster's broken. which means no eggo waffles. something smells delicious. eggo! l'eggo my eggo breakfast sandwich. it's sweet, it's savory, it's in your microwave.
and when you bundle your home and auto insurance through progressive, you'll save a bundle! [ laughs ] jamie. right. make a bad bundle joke, a buck goes in the jar. i guess that's just how the cookie bundles. now, you're gonna have two bundles of joy! i'm not pregnant. i'm gonna go. [ tapping, cash register dings ] there you go. [ buzzing ] bundle bee coming! it was worth it! saving you a bundle when you bundle --
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tobey maguire, dale earnhardt jr., and music on the way. first i want to tell you big news from facebook. according to ceo mark zuckerberg, facebook is working on a dislike button which means we can now be unproductive and mean all at the same time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know about you guys but i will tell you right now, this dislike button, i have friendships and relationships with family members that will not survive this. havoc will be wreaked. zuckerberg says the dislike button is not meant to be used for negative purposes, it's supposed to be used to express empathy. say your friend posts on facebook that her grandma died. you don't want to click the like button. her grandmother's ghost might haunt you or something. you can click dislike. you say, grandma died? i don't like that at all, i dislike.
right? you know, previously, if you wanted to dislike a facebook post by a friend you had to take a screen grab and secretly text to it all your other friends to make fun of it in a small group without the person who posted it seeing. now it's so much easier. thank you, mark zuckerberg. i for one will be glad to give you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the big topic, the republican debate. actually, that wasn't just one debate there were two. there were so many republican candidates they couldn't fit them all on stage. there are 15 prominent republicans running for president. and the field is actually surprisingly diverse. there's a female candidate, an african-american candidate, two latinos, one indian-american, nine white men, and there's a baby running also. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just to give you a sense what the republican field is -- guillermo, bring in the ducks. have you seen these ducks? these ducks are -- i'll show you
thank you, guillermo. they're kind of terrifying. guillermo, what happened? i thought you were going to help me with this. >> guillermo: oh, i'll help you, you didn't ask me. >> jimmy: this is why donald trump wants to kick you out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm not the one. help me gather up 15 ducks. we need exactly 15. >> all right, five. >> jimmy: eight. ten. i need tive more. >> 13. two more. >> jimmy: 15. thank you, you can take that. all right. this is what the republican field is like. guys, what is your plan to help the middle class? [ duck honking ] >> jimmy: see what i'm saying? what about amnesty for illegal immigrants already in the united states? [ duck honking ]
with these? >> guillermo: put it back. >> jimmy: all right, all right. the republican field is -- i'll hold on to it. it's so jam packed with hopefuls right now, it's hard to distinguish who's who. which made me wonder -- [ duck honking ] >> jimmy: i can't move or they keep talking -- how much voters actually know about anyone other than donald trump. we went on the street and asked people, if given the choice of three, can you identify the republican candidate for president? >> can you tell us which of these people is running for president? >> um -- him? >> that is jorge ramos. news anchor for univision. how do you think he's going to do? >> bad. >> i'm going to guess this gentleman here. >> jerry mathers. senator jerry mathers from beaverton, usa. >> okay. >> this guy. >> that's right.
actually, he's already the president. >> no, he's not. >> thursday nights. check your local listings. >> i'm going to guess this guy. >> that is right. that's former police commissioner steve guttenberg. >> yeah, is that 3 for 3? >> i'm going to guess that guy, looks shifty. >> that's right, benson was always up to something. >> that's his name, benson? it's not a trick question? it's none of them? >> it's none of them? >> it's none of them. >> it's that one. >> dammit. all right. >> want to try again? >> yeah, let's do one more. >> which one of these guys is running for president this. >> that one. >> tell us your name. >> damarius campbell. >> can you tell us which of these people is running for president? >> hillary clinton. isn't it supposed to be hillary clinton? is one of them hillary clinton? >> i know you tried to dress
i bet when you take those glasses off, shake that hair out, you are beautiful. >> am i doing it right? >> gorgeous. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show, music from kip moore, dale earnhardt jr. is here, and we'll be back with tobey maguire so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by dr. pepper. share your goals for a chance to compete and win up to $100,000 in college tuition, go to
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, the great driver of automobiles, he is part of the chase for the nascar sprint cup which starts sunday. dale earnhardt jr. is here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, from nashville, tennessee, his album is called "wild ones," kip moore from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night david spade will be with us as with russell
thunder, music from asap, rocky with schoolboy q. please join us for that. our first guest is a really great actor whom you know from "wonderboys," "seabiscuit," "the great gatsby" and three spider-men. now he plays the champion chess master bobby fischer in the new movie "pawn sacrifice." >> the federation would raise money off my back and funnel it to rashevsky! another jew. they're all out to screw me, the russians and jews. they've got their dirty fingerprints all over everything. >> what are we talking about? >> the jews. >> ah. bobby, you made a stupid mistake -- >> no, i am not going to submit -- >> if you don't get your head in the game you're not just going to lose you'll hue admit yale millions of people -- you brought me here under false pretenses and you're going to fix it! >> jimmy: "pawn sacrifice" is in theaters now, please welcome
>> jimmy: how are you? >> doing well, thank you. >> jimmy: you're riding side saddle? >> yeah, i don't know, what am i supposed to do? >> jimmy: just sit in the chair like a human being. how are you doing? >> i'm all right. >> jimmy: you were great in that movie. the movie came out great. i think know this is a movie you've been working on how many years trying to get this movie made? >> it's been about ten years. >> jimmy: you were 8 when you started working on this film? >> 8, 7, something like that. >> jimmy: fighting with a priest, which is weird to start with. but when you're that close to an actor, do you ever find yourself, yelling ined a ver stently -- >> wanting to kiss him? >> jimmy: i wasn't going to say that, but yeah, that's more interesting. >> what were you going to say? >> jimmy: to you accidentally spit all over the guy's face? >> i try to do that on purpose. >> jimmy: bobby fischer, for
remember or just don't know, he was one of the most famous people in the country, in the world really, in the early '70s, right? >> yeah, i believe 1972, you could say he was the most famous man in the world, or most famous person in the world. measured essentially by he was in the media more than anybody else that year. >> jimmy: he was their donald trump? >> he was their donald trump, exactly. >> jimmy: really, paranoid, anti-semitic, would you say crazy? was he crazy? >> he had mental health issues, yeah. >> jimmy: mental health issues. even the way you -- you talk just like him. >> in real life? >> jimmy: no, in the movie. >> oh, thanks. >> in real life you talk like kermit the frog. [ laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: all right. you're going to sing "somewhere over the rainbow" right? >> it's coming later. >> jimmy: "ain't easy being green."
you sound like bobby fischer, you sound kind of like donald trump, there is a real similarity. have you thought about that? >> i did -- well, donald trump didn't exist when we made this film a couple of years ago. he's just come out of nowhere. he now exists. i know he's -- >> jimmy: he burst. i saw the movie, i turn around to cnn afterwards, holy crap! it's almost the same guy! >> donald fischer, bobby trump. >> jimmy: people will see that. did you stay in character in that kind of a -- >> you know you know, i think i don't stay in character. then my wife always tells me stories of how the children are -- in this case, they came to visit me, i was in montreal making the film. and apparently they were spooked by me and wanted to leave montreal. >> jimmy: it's really a great excuse to use in general. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: if you're misbehaving. sorry, i'm in character. >> what do you want me to do? this is my profession. >> jimmy: well, i tell you what it's such an interesting story, it really is.
you are a -- do you play chess? are you a chess player? >> well -- i learned enough about chess during the making of this film to dissuede me from playing inging chess. >> jimmy: i see. >> i realize it takes a lot of work to be any good. >> jimmy: you went to silicon valley and did a screening of this movie with the current world chess champion? >> correct. >> jimmy: who is the current champion? >>ing magnus carlson and he's really good at chess. >> jimmy: i would think so. >> i watched him play four people. he was blindfolded, they were not. he played four games simultaneously. and there was a 10-minute per person maximum on their moves. and he beat all four of the people. >> jimmy: how is that possible? >> it was -- amazing to watch. him hold all of those games -- it started sequentially. he'd make moves on boards one, two, three, four. people some moves into the game had to contemplate their moves
so he was switching back and forth. one, two, four, one, three, random papers. he held all these game in his head. >> jimmy: did they tell him where they were moving the pieces? >> he knew where they were moving. >> i was going to say. >> that's a prerequisite. >> jimmy: getting into the supernatural area. >> you have not played chess much? >> jimmy: not a whole lot. i know the moves. the horse goes to the side. >> true. hooks around there. >> jimmy: you play poker? >> i don't play that often. >> jimmy: i heard you were -- >> i used to play more. >> heard you were a great poker player. i no you played in tournaments with real poker players. >> true, yes. >> jimmy: also with a group of guys here in hollywood. you guys would have improvementmptu games on game in which a lot of money would be bet? >> that's what i heard. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. is this all filed on your tax returns? these winnings? >> which camera's on? yes, absolutely -- i'm chasing
the camera. yes, i filed all my tax returns, i've paid all my taxes, i swear. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's the biggest pot, as poker player, and whether it be a game at home or a tournament or casino, what's the biggest pot you ever sat there and played for? how much? >> let's write it down across the table. >> jimmy: it's a lot, huh? wow. wow, wow. what about like a real man's game? like for instance, connect 4? are you good at a game like connect 4? maybe we could, i don't know, we could put a wager down. would you like to take me on? [ cheers and applause ] red or black? >> i'll take black. >> jimmy: you'll take black. how much shall we bet on this game? >> you tell me. >> jimmy: let's bet $100. all right?
>> all right. >> jimmy: you want to go first or should i go first? >> i'll go first. >> jimmy: you go first. this is going to be really interesting for the home audience. >> jimmy: did you go to college? >> i did not. i actually -- well -- i went through ninth grade. i was hoping you wouldn't go there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you've played this game before. >> jimmy: i was a child once. >> jimmy: now i feel like i'm playing bobby fischer. don't get anti-semitic on me, okay? yeah, go there. [ laughter ] >> i'm actually a little nervous. >> jimmy: you should be nervous. >> i don't want to lose. >> jimmy: you're not playing for $when you were, now we're playing for $100,000.
is there's a kid here who -- having some trouble with his roommate, he's in our audience. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he wants to be an actuary. he's going to college to become an actuary. >> oh. >> jimmy: yeah. oh. oh, wow. this is interesting. uh-huh, uh-huh. i can't go there. yep. no. uh-huh, uh-huh. >> okay. >> jimmy: uh-huh. yeah, i think i'm in a bad position here. okay. >> okay. >> jimmy: i like to think that people are tuning in right now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what in the world is happening? they say if it's a perfect game, you fill all the holes except
uh-huh. uh-huh. no, i can't go there. uh-huh. uh-huh. >> that's a must. >> jimmy: uh-huh. maybe we ought to -- no, no -- okay. i see what i'm going to do. i see what my strategy will be here. no, it's my turn. >> wait, wait! >> jimmy: what, don't? >> no! >> jimmy: i am going to go there. >> you see the problem, right? >> jimmy: what problem? i don't see that as a problem, really. i see it as an opportunity. >> wait, wait, wait -- >> jimmy: what? >> just look around.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you turned it into connect 5. it's not a really great sign when i don't even know that i've lost, i guess. well, there you go, dammit. tobey maguire, you won again. the movie is called "pawn sacrifice." it's even more interesting than this. it's a real human film. thank you, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] in the nation, we know how you feel about your car. so when coverage really counts, you can count on nationwide. love because what's precious to you is precious to us. love is strange just another way we put members first. join the nation. baby...
who knows, one of these kids just might be the one. to clean the oceans, to start a movement, or lead a country. it may not be obvious yet, but one of these kids is going to change the world. we just need to make sure she has what she needs. welcome to windows 10. the future starts now for all of us. everybody dance now. come on, yeah. everybody dance now. come on let's sweat, baby. let the music take control. let the rhythm move you.
if there's one thing the human foot has always been good at... it's unleashing great power. the is performance line just got a power boost. introducing the lexus is 200 turbo and is 300 awd v6. the is line has never been... more powerful. once driven, there's no going back. this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis from the inside out ...with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. doctors have been prescribing humira for nearly 10 years. humira can lower your ability to fight infections,
including tuberculosis serious,sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. visit humira.com and talk to your rheumatologist. humira.
i'm sigourney weaver, and new york is my home. there's no place like it in the world... like our state parks. the adirondacks are my favorite. for hiking, fishing, camping, you name it. niagara falls is the oldest state park, but visiting it never gets old. the readers of a national newspaper voted letchworth the #1 state park in america. watkins glen, #3. new york state parks are a gift. plan your vacation at iloveny.com.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. still to come music from kip moore. as you probably know, dr pepper is soda that has very little to do with doctors or penner. what you may not know is since 2008 dr pepper has awarded more than $7 million in tuition money to deserving college students and they're going to do it again right now. they're going to do it again right now, it's time for the dr. pepper football tuition toss! let's go live now to cousin sal - cousin? >> sal: i'm here with two students who are hoping to win tuition money the old-fashioned way, by throwing footballs into a giant dr pepper can. let's meet them. >> i'm kendra, i go to usc. >> i'm morgan, ucla. >> sal: you're going to have 30 seconds to though as many footballs into the giant cans as
is subpar, you will get $10,000. dr pepper! >> dicky: go to drpeppertuition.com/jimmy and find out how you can enter to compete and win up to $100,00 in tuition this college football season. >> jimmy: we'll be back with dale earnhardt, jr. we're looking for something a little less... maybe a little less expensive? absolutely. please. well, check out yelp. we need a great body shop. my wife just hit a deer. [upset deer bleats] he just froze. it's cool. we know just the place. i guess i need... golf... lessons? yes you do! [ka-boom!] that looks rad. whatever you need... whenever you need it... check yelp first. we know just the place. are you still getting heartburn flare-ups? time for a new routine. try nexium 24hr. the latest choice for frequent heartburn. get complete protection.
the new galaxy edge+, or the new note 5... man, is samsung gonna make pretty flacko choose? but i could keep this one strictly for the ladies... discrete notifications, yurp! ok, let's talk about business. set up a worldwide tour... i'm gonna have to go with this one. can i get this in gold? the new gs6 edge+ and the new note 5. get $200 or more when you trade in any smartphone or buy a galaxy note 5 or galaxy s6 edge+. when you booked this trip, you didn't know we had over 11,000 local activities listed on our app. or that you could book them right from your phone. a few weeks ago, you still didn't know if you were gonna go. now the only thing you don't know, is why it took you so long to come here. expedia. technology that connects you to the people
hurry in! buy one, take one is back! tonight enjoy breadsticks, salad, and your choice of entrees, like smoked mozzarella chicken. then take home another entree for tomorrow free. it's two delicious nights of togetherness. buy one, take one starting at $12.99 at olive garden. what's going on? toaster's broken. which means no eggo waffles. something smells delicious. eggo! l'eggo my eggo breakfast sandwich. it's sweet, it's savory, it's in your microwave.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. our next guest is a two-time daytona 500 winner who has been voted the most popular driver in nascar for 12 years running and he has a five-star rating on union over top of that. on sunday in chicago, he begins the chase for the sprint cup championship. please welcome dale earnhardt jr.! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: first i want to say congratulations, i they have thought it would happen but you you were here. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, appreciate it. >> jimmy: where did you pop the question, in the car? >> no we went to -- i did some
genealogy on my family the last five or six years. and i thought, you know -- got to think, where are you going to do? got to be special. we went to germany to trace my lineage back 300 years. >> jimmy: you really went back, wow. what part of germany? >> this little small town that my family was from, 300 people live there. >> jimmy: iliseim? >> it's not really changed much and the church they worshipped in is still there, it's like 1,000 years old. >> jimmy: wow. >> i had to do all this research to find out exactly what church it was, make sure i was at the right church. >> jimmy: you did it there? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you surprised her? >> very surprised. >> jimmy: i'd love you to come on this trip with all these boring landmarks of my relatives? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who are now dead. did you meet family? >> there is no -- all my family left in 1744. >> jimmy: the whole clan left? >> yeah, they all left. >> jimmy: did they get run out of town?
>> religious persecution. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> they went to philadelphia and pledged to the queen and all that stuff. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you must have loved the autobahn while you were there. did you drive on that? >> yeah, the autobahn was a lot of fun. i thought the autobahn -- when you're 10, 12 years old, you think the autobahn is this big four-lane loop that goes around. >> jimmy: i thought that too. >> i thought it was one road. but it's just what they call interstates. >> jimmy: yeah, it's just their freeway. >> every road is autobahn. we had a lot of fun. i couldn't believe there's no speed limit. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so there's in between towns there might be they or ten miles and they'll say, go as fast as you want. >> jimmy: did you love that? >> when you first get off the plane you're like, really? can you really go as fast as you want? guys are going by you on the left side.
you get braver each day, with each trip to the store or wherever. >> jimmy: i love the idea that you of all people were in a position where you were -- if you're nervous on the autobahn? i mean, what hope is this for any of us? >> i couldn't believe it, no speed limit. >> jimmy: i have to say i love this. you built a -- like a town for yourself in north carolina? you were inspired by willie nelson? >> yeah, a western town. >> jimmy: he's got his own town and you built your own town where your buddies hang out. tell us some of the things you have. >> it's a western town. we wanted to drink beer ask party. this is about 15 years ago. we built this western town. started with a saloon, partied in it. a hotel. then we built a church. and a jail cell. and all this. we just -- >> jimmy: everything you need. >> kept adding to it. we -- when you go down there you want to feel like you're in the wild west. we had to have the street long. >> jimmy: you imprison your friends in the jail cell? >> only twice.
>> jimmy: who are the friends that got locked up? >> a buddy that was just too wasted. sxifs like, party's still -- it's early, party's still going, i'm not going to watch you the rest of the night, so you stay here. i'm going to lock this cage up, make sure you don't go anywhere, i'll get you in the morning. >> like otis on "the andy griffith show." >> yeah. then i punched a guy so we put him in there as a time-out. >> jimmy: you know, i'm sure that's illegal. that's actually like kidnapping or something. false imprisonment -- >> it was a great idea when we thought about it. now i hook at it, frits ning. >> jimmy: is there a mayor of the town? >> it's not really a town. >> jimmy: just looks like a town. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've built a tree house. we have a photograph of the tree house in front of the lawn. this is quite a tree house. you built this thing? >> yeah, we actually -- i wanted to build the tree house before the western town. >> jimmy: looks like a family
>> it's got a loft, it's got cable tv, wi-fi. nice deck on the back. >> jimmy: do people stay in there when they come to your house? >> you could. there's no plumbing. >> jimmy: there's no plumbing, oh. >> it's built down in late bit of a floodplain. if you put plumbing in the floodplain, the septic smell gets kind of bad. >> jimmy: i see. >> so -- >> when you have to pee you go out the side? >> we built an outhouse for the ladies. >> okay. >> if the guys use it the ladies won't use it. go. >> jimmy: are the ladies going up in the tree house for more than one minute to look at it? >> it's nice in there. it's got a refrigerator and everything. my fiancee helped me design it. >> jimmy: she's supportive? i was wondering if this is now all this fun is about to come to a stop. she's going to say, okay, we're boarding up the prison. >> right. >> jimmy: and the tree house is for children. oh, boy.
i'd love to be one of your kids. will you adopt me? >> you can come visit the tree house. >> jimmy: that would be nice. last time you were here, you didn't exactly understand, correct me if i'm wrong, didn't seem like you understood the process of elimination. >> the chase. >> jimmy: the chase system. >> i didn't know the rules. it was the first year. i didn't -- i figured i'd find out. >> jimmy: you figured you'd just go out there and win. >> and that's all that matters. yeah i know the rules now. >> jimmy: that's good. >> yeah, we're starting our chase, our first race this weekend in chicago. ten races, ten weeks in a row, for the championship, 16 guys. i'm in there. we're all starting pretty much from scratch. >> jimmy: you get eliminated? >> yeah, you go three races and they eliminate four. three more races, eliminate four more. they keep on eliminating guys. the last race, the last four remaining guys, one race for all the marble. >> this is a cutthroat kind of thing?
last year we had fights spilling out of the cars into the pits, people were getting punched, people that weren't even in the fight were getting punched. drivers that weren't even in the middle of the problem on the track were in the fights. it was just mayhem. >> jimmy: i like this. wrestling and racing have come together. >> yeah. >> jimmy: maybe you start spelling racing with a "w." it's very good to see you. i'm glad you're still up to shenanigans. i can't wait to see what you've built. plans for anything weird? >> nowho knows. >> jimmy: i suggest a wiffleball stadium. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dale earnhardt jr., thank you! the chase for the nascar sprint cup begins sunday at chicagoland speedway. be right back with kip moore! [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: the jimmy kimmel
tonight girl what's the matter with you can't you see it when it's standing right in front of you so come and get it baby girl what's the matter with you can't you see it when it's standing right in front of you so come and get it tonight my heart you ain't gotta steal it it's all yours so just come and get it my heart you ain't gotta steal it it's all yours so just come and get it tonight hey oh oh oh